You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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