Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
