So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
