I faked an abortion last night.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
