But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
