Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
