Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
