My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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