I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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