I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He better not be in your backpack
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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