Don't make out with my wife yet
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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