I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
