My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
