If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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