we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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