Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think your dad took our porno
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
