I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
