oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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