we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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