planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
