He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
