Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
