If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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