You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
