i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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