my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
