I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
