I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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