Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
