He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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