HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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