I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
are you so shy because you have an std?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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