im drinking this country out of the recession.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
