so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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