it hurts more in the daytime
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
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