i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
