Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
