Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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