just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
