His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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