Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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