Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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