u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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