Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
