i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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