Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
