im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
