Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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