i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
