he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
