i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
