I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was not drunk enough for that final.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
