Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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