Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just found a bag of teeth...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
