were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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