it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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