My friends, they love my intelligence
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize