I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
