One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
