all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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