have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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