I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
