you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
