Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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