We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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