his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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