there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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