You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
