Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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