We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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