Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
