just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
