ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
