One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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