And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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